Handed the world on a silver platter.
Mans’ love for money is one of the most tragic tales of unrequited love.
Illusory superiority is a cognitive bias that causes people to overestimate their positive qualities and abilities and to underestimate their negative qualities, relative to others. This is evident in a variety of areas including intelligence, performance on tasks or tests, and the possession of desirable characteristics or personality traits. It is one of many positive illusions relating to the self, and is a phenomenon studied in social psychology.
One of the main effects of illusory superiority in IQ is the Downing effect. This describes the tendency of people with a below average IQ to overestimate their IQ, and of people with an above average IQ to underestimate their IQ.The propensity to predictably misjudge one’s own IQ was first noted by C. L. Downing who conducted the first cross-cultural studies on perceived ‘intelligence’. His studies also evidenced that the ability to accurately estimate others’ IQ was proportional to one’s own IQ.This means that the lower the IQ of an individual, the less capable they are of appreciating and accurately appraising others’ IQ. Therefore individuals with a lower IQ are more likely to rate themselves as having a higher IQ than those around them. Conversely, people with a higher IQ, while better at appraising others’ IQ overall, are still likely to rate people of similar IQ as themselves as having higher IQs.
Fuck yeah, give it to me this is heaven, what I truly want.
I’ve decided to beginning blogging about my life quarterly, so here it goes, chapter one of four of 2013.
A lot of things have happened in the summer of 2012/2013. In a way, I got everything I ever wanted but may have potentially lost what actually means anything along the way.
I realised upon attaining my “dream” that my whole life has led up to this point. You excel at school to gain admission to a good university. You seek to thrive at university in order to obtain an internship. At the internship you push yourself to the limits to get an offer. Thus, for nearly eleven years, this is just what I did. I lived my life (mostly) within the boundaries of the system and got what I believed I always wanted, the legend of “the offer”.
Unfortunately for me, I have realised that I am generally an unhappy person. Nothing satisfies me in this life, except for maybe playing with my dog, whom I credit for keeping me sane for the past four months. The firm I interned with, decided to inform me that I had received an offer on the day that I was flying. When I first received the call, I was overjoyed for about thirty seconds and sat in disbelief pretty much until my flight embarked. It was on this flight that my world came crumbling to pieces in eight hours.
What people don’t realise about a profession, is that often it can suck the life out of you. Gruelling hours, a limited social life and a horrendous diet are the least of my problems. A job like this, puts you in a position where you are so engulfed with work for 90% of the day, that in the last 10% of the day, your only focus, is you. It leads you to a place where you are perpetually unhappy. You will try and justify happiness in terms of money, even though you know that it is simply not enough. You attempt to quench your thirst for company with meaningless encounters that are in every sense, enjoyable mistakes. You become so selfish that you live your life without contemplating the consequences on others because you are left emotionally vacant by a life spent at the desk. You make excuses for treating others poorly because of stress and anxiety.
During the summer, I turned into a person that I loathe and admire at the same time. I admire the perseverance and the work ethic but I loathe the selfish indecencies. I have succeeded in every sense and yet I failed the only person I ever truly loved.
The worst part about it all, is that my position has left me in a place so emotionally vacant that I don’t even care. As I write this blog with remorse but no heartache, I have come to realise that my entity is defined by logic and not emotion. In the past four months, I have struggled to give a shit about anything or anyone but myself and the selfishness is consuming. As much as I try to give a shit about people, I find myself caring less and less for the people I should perhaps care for the most.
The saddest part about it all is that I am unwilling to change because to me, exposed emotions equate to vulnerability and vulnerability is just not an attribute worth having. With this, I lose the opportunity to have friendships and to care about others. However, I justify this by asking myself “what’s the point” because work will take it all away in the end.
On the first day of my internship, one of the analysts asked the interns whether we had relationships. We all answered yes. By the end of the internship, all the relationships had ended. I have crafted a space for myself where I stand solo and where I will stand solo for an extended amount of time. One can try to enter the space, but eventually circumstance will push him out.
To my gross misfortune, I am perpetually saddened by the position I have put myself in but I am also clever enough to understand that this position is a product of circumstance and that these circumstances are not subject to change. Weltschmerz
And those little things define us forever